Wednesday, December 31, 2008

On Proportional Responses

When I was 5 years old, there was a little boy about my age that would punch me in the nose. He never said a word to me, I had no idea who he was. He would just walk up, punch me in the nose and run off.

I don't think it was a crush gone terribly wrong.

The first time it happened, I told my dad. My dad told me that I would have to handle it myself (with the hindsight of adulthood, I realize now that he couldn't very well go out and beat up a kindergartner for me). Soooooo, anyway, the next two times this obnoxious kid walked up I did try to talk to him. I DID try to make a friend out of him.

Without saying a single word, he would punch me in the nose and run off.

The fourth time this serial nose-puncher walked up, though...I snatched up a two-by-four laying on the lawn and - without saying a word - I clocked him. BLAM, laid him out on the front lawn. The little bully went running off after I went inside to tell my parents what I'd done (my dad, in a very bemused way, was rather proud of me after he determined that I hadn't killed the little snot - mom was pretty much appalled all the way around).

The point is, the nasty little gnome never bothered me or came near me or even looked at me again. Overwhelming, aggressive force and superior weaponry had convinced him of the error of his ways.

Moral of the story: If you can't make a friend out of an enemy, then whack the bastid on the head with a mighty 2x4.

Reason for the story: GO ISRAEL! Break out the adult version of a 2x4 and clock the bastiges.


Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

First the 2"x4".

Now you want a nail gun.

I like teh cut of your jib.

(Reciprocating saws are also quite handy...just sayin'.)

12/31/2008 11:32 PM  
Blogger Machinist said...

He was still a "he" afterwards? You were a proper lady. There was a time when gentlemen wore frilly clothes and didn't get their hands dirty. They trained with the sword from childhood and challenged at any provocation. Non-gentlemen, even rather hulking ones, tended to remove their hats and speak respectfully to them. An armed and prepared society is a respected society, and gets treated with respect.

You are always a gentle and gracious lady in my eyes, for what it's worth.

12/31/2008 11:35 PM  
Blogger BrendaK said...

Mac, your opinion is always valued and your good regard is always to be devoutly hoped for.

{{{hugs}}} for the new year.

12/31/2008 11:39 PM  
Blogger Machinist said...

These are hard times but I hope the new year brings you and Fatwa the blessings and happiness you so richly deserve.

12/31/2008 11:41 PM  
Blogger BrendaK said...

Thank you, dear hearted Mac.

My Fatwa is a gift every day.

12/31/2008 11:49 PM  
Blogger Machinist said...

I well believe it, Gentle Brenda, but I would bet he would agree that it is a mutual blessing. You better than anyone else must know how happy you have made him.

12/31/2008 11:52 PM  
Blogger BrendaK said...

Mac - Also, Happy New Year! To you and your lovely little mouse.

12/31/2008 11:52 PM  
Blogger Machinist said...

Thank you Gracious Brenda. Truthfully, I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of you and Fatwa, and wish you the best. A couple such as you two make us all feel a little better about life. You raise the bar on happiness for an unromantic scrooge like me. Thank you.

1/01/2009 12:07 AM  
Anonymous sillyblindharper said...

Happy New Year, Brenda!

I loved the story...


1/01/2009 1:00 AM  
Blogger Machinist said...

Gentle Brenda, Clearly the answer is to be found in the dog house. A couple of nights in there and I am confident a smart young man like Fatwa will see the connection between Jackson's cold and your own.

"Overwhelming, aggressive force and superior weaponry had convinced him of the error of his ways."

1/02/2009 10:52 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home