Little Red Riding Hood: A Tale of Capitalists, Socialists and a Government Wolf
Once upon a time there lived in the village of Section8, just outside the county of Berkeley, a little country girl; everybody called her Little Red Riding Hood.
One day she decided to travel through the forest to the Big City to visit her secured bonds.
As she was going through the wood, she met with a great, grey Government Wolf. The Wolf asked Little Red Riding Hood where she was going. The poor child, who did not know that it was dangerous to stay and talk to a Government Wolf, said to him, "I am going to check on my bonds, which have a guaranteed minimum value. I am a Capitalist, you see, and have worked hard and invested my earnings in my future and the future of my country."
"It is a very big wood," said the Wolf. "Did you bring a lunch?"
"Oh I have these few crumbs," answered Little Red Riding Hood; "it is all that is left from the great economic meltdown of '08 and '09. Still, I can buy more bread to feed my family when I sell my bonds. That way, we are not a burden on our society and I can re-invest the remainder. That is the Capitalist way."
"Well," said the wolf, "you are an evil bond holder. I will eat YOU now!" The grey Government Wolf immediately fell upon the poor girl and ate her up in a moment. During the attack, the girl's pitiful few bread crumbs had fallen upon the ground.
Hiding behind some acorn trees were three Socialist Pigs. "Hooray," whispered the three Pigs, "the Wolf has eaten that nasty Capitalist girl and spread her bread crumbs! Now the birds will take those crumbs and eat them. The birds will have more strength to fly and drop ever more seeds and berries all over the village. Everyone is equal and the birds will feed us all!"
The three Pigs ran back to Section8, where they told all of the Villagers what they had seen. "Tra-la-la, " sang the Villagers of Section8, "we don't have to work anymore, for the birds will feed us now! Thank you, thank you, Government Wolf!"
"You are welcome, Village People, " called the Wolf from the edge of town. "Now, I will stalk and eat each of the three Pigs. For if it is good for the village when I eat one Capitalist girl, it is surely excellent for the village if I eat THREE Socialist Pigs."
"Well, that is entirely fair, " shouted the Villagers, "for the Pigs would consume much more than their share of the seeds and berries that the birds will soon shower upon us." So the Wolf ate up the three Pigs, and the Villagers held a party for the kindly Wolf that was so helpful to them all.
Some time later the Villagers noted that, while the birds had indeed dropped a few seeds and berries upon the village, there was never quite enough and they were all starving. The Villagers had stopped working and farming and depended entirely on the anticipated largesse of the bird droppings; they had grown no wheat at all to grind at the now abandoned town mill. "Whatever shall we do? We are starving," cried out the Villagers. "Where is the Government Wolf, who will save us all?"
The Government Wolf loped into town and proceeded to kill and eat each of the Villagers, who were by this time too weak to fight him off.
"For that, you see, is what a Government Wolf does," said the Wolf. "A Government Wolf cares nothing for Capitalists or Socialists or Villagers. A Government Wolf, of course, only cares about filling his belly."
As he padded off back into the great forest, the Wolf looked back over his shoulder for a moment. "I'll be in your town soon, " the Wolf said, looking directly at the Reader.
- BrendaK, May 2009